Monday, 12 March 2012

a step back or is it a step forward?

Once again, life has taken a little turn, just as I knew it would.  I'm not going to go into to detail, however, my life has been topsy turvy yet again due to changes in my dad's behaviour due to dementia.  It is progressing and all I can do is spend as much time with him while he can still remember who I am, while he can still talk to friends on the phone, dress himself and feed himself.  All this is changing rapidly and I'm truly learning you can not hold back time.  The hardest call I've ever had to make came last Friday when I made the call to Community Care Assess Centre.  The time has come where I've had to start the process of getting my father into "the system" for future long term care.  Previously I had come to terms with him moving closer, being in a Seniors Home, he would be taken care of, I knew he would be safe...things would be normal.  All this is changing and when I made the call I couldn't believe how much it upset me, it was making me face reality and to come to terms with this relentless disease.  I wasn't liking what I was seeing.  The woman on the phone was exceptional, answering all my questions, dealing with MY denial of having to face this reality.  She was caring and compassionate when I cried, she understood that I too am in the process of trying to understand the true meaning of caring for an ageing parent.  I will NEVER begrudge the promise I made to my dad so long ago, to look after him when he got to this stage in life,  he will be 92 in May and sometimes he is as young at heart as a teenager.  What it all boils down to, he deserves quality of life, love and understanding.

Throughout all of this Dad's friends have been a wonderful support not only to him, but to me as well, as has my cousin who has been a social worker of sorts and is now involved with grief counselling.  Although my cousins health is failing, he has always had time to talk with me over the years.  He has been a great help in so many facets of my life and now he is helping yet again.  I am blessed.

Finding time to train for any specific event has been a challenge.  Needless to say my race calendar is still empty, but I have been trying to find the time for "me".  Spring is just around the corner, you could feel it in the weather over the weekend.     hallelujah

soaking up the sun after a run
The past four Sunday's I've been driving into town to run at the local Running Room.  While I was there yesterday I signed up for the 10k clinic which begins next Monday.  Again, life is throwing me some reality.  Trust me when I say it is a real head trip to go from being Half Iron fit to needing moral support to run 10k.

Is it a step back or a step forward?  As I'm learning....Any journey begins with the first step.

Life's fun if you don't weaken,



Marlene said...

My heart breaks for you and your dad. I can't begin to imagine what that feels like. Enjoy every moment you can and stock up on those happy memories to carry with you in the years to come. I wish I could reach out and give you a real big {HUG}.

Good for you joining the clinic. A step is a step, and this is a good one! Have fun!

TNTcoach Ken said...

Okay, remember it's left, right, left.......... Hugs, your way....

blondie16 said...

You and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers, girlfriend.

love you!
~ b

ajh said...

How great that you have people to help you get though this. Good luck in doing what you have to do. A 10K with moral support is nothing! If it's what you need take it and enjoy it. Thinking of you.

Born To Endure said...

I wish I could say how many times i've been through the Life gets in the way, it always will. The thing is, you know what's more important and to do the right thing...good for you and many blessings your way!!

Lisa said...

What a blessing to have a dad at 92! I know that it's difficult, but it is so wonderful that you still have each other in your lives. My dad died at 75 with a sharp mind but a failing body. A friend of mine has a mother in a similar situation as your dad, sharp health but a failing mind. Neither way is any fun for the family. You are doing a good job getting him the best care for the situation. :-)

Wes said...

I'm positive your Dad is proud of you. I know we are.