Look who is 92!!

Happy Birthday Dad!

first ride in a LONG time

not too happy, just super excited!

he likes me because I brought carrots!

I survived, barely!

Life's fun if you don't weaken

Lily

anxiety or am I listening to the voices in my head?

You just never know where life will take you.

Back in 2008 I posted "In my past life".  A segment of my life which I thought was closed, gone, forgotten and never to be re-addressed.  Well, the past couple of weeks have seen a window of the past re-opening.  I would have never imagined that I'd let all those negative thoughts rattle around in my head again, but I have...temporarily.  Every single demon I have let drag me down in the past tried their nasty little game again.  This time I have to say, I've only let them show themselves for about a week or so.

The I'm not good enough, I'm not competent, the I'll never be able to do that again, the I can't afford it.  Everyone will think I'm crazy.  The nay sayers, the negative nellies, the ones who bring you down because of their own insecurities.  You know when someone tells you that "you can't soar with the eagles if you let the turkey's get you down"?  Well, after much mulling about, throwing myself a major pity party and almost falling back into a pattern of self destruct, I am rising above all of that and looking at this opportunity in a whole different light.  I'll be soaring with the eagles!

Thankfully, I have grown as a person, and I can honestly say that running, cycling, swimming and triathlon have all taught me that.  Funny how you can compete in all those elements and only feel as though you are competing against yourself, not against anyone else.  That is how I'm going to handle this new / old adventure.  I'm heading back to the barn!

dusting off the riding boots

Don't get me wrong, I'll still be running, cycling and hopefully still churning it up in the pool.

What this new / old avenue will give me is some peace of mind that I'm still getting some exercise, some much needed horse hugging, meeting some new people, and it also allows me to be close to home just in case I get one of "those" phone calls that has me heading the Emergency Room to meet up with my dad.  (yes, I've had those when I've been out running and 21k from nowhere and had to run to the nearest place and beg for a drive home).

So, to those old demons who were trying their hardest to deter me from taking up the sport I walked away from, I say begone! I'm a bigger, better person than what I was way back then, the past is just that ~ "past" and I'm in it for totally different reasons now.  I'll be just fine!!!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

I'm still here!

Just a quick note to let you know I'm still here!  As if I'd go very far!

I sort of lost my mojo the past few weeks due to duress of real life matters and the up and down weather has been a killer for me.  One day it is nice, the next it is cold and crappy and really, what's with this wind we've been having?  Brutal!  Running has been small distances but consistent  and cycling has been sporadic due to the weather and wind, I know, what a wimp.

Trying to find all the income tax information for my dad has been an adventure as well, let's just say I have one final bit of information to have filled out by his doctor and I believe the accountant will work his magic, but in the mean time, Tick Tock on the filing date.

Wonderful Easter

Speaking of dad, he is doing as well as can be expected.  His dementia is escalating so I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with him while he can still recognise me and while he can still enjoy doing some fun things.  He loves gardening so I think this is why I'm trying to hurry up the Canadian spring weather!

My new Saucony's are creating blister's, what's with that?  I've worn the Saucony brand for over ten years and never had a problem.  I'll try to switch up my socks, the way they are tied or figure out something before I write the company and ask for some suggestions.

I've also committed to riding the GrandFondo in July, I'm debating the Bring on the Bay, 3k swim also in July, I just need to find the time to hit the pool and get some serious swimming done.  September seems such a long way a way, but I have volunteered to be a ride guide again for this year's Ride the Rideau.  Cancer can be beaten!

Well, that's it for now.  I must get on line to stalk my friends who are running at Boston today.  One being a very good friend and considered my "Blog Daughter", Marlene at Mission to a(nother) Marathon.  Both Marlene and her husband Mark qualified for today's race!  Good Luck you two, have a great race and make some wonderful memories.

Me and Marlene at the Oasis Zoo Run

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Finally Friday

Another crazy, stressful, exhausting week.  Well, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger I suppose.

• My running has been sporadic to say the least, but at least I'm running.  Three times per week is just fine for me considering I don't have a target race to train for.  My new kicks are really nice and quite a bit lighter than the previous Saucony's I was wearing.


• Two weeks ago I took the plunge and signed up for the GrandFondo Bike Tour this July.  I'm pretty excited about it especially for the fact that I don't have to train for it in craptastic cold spring weather like you have to do if you are cycling the Rideau Lakes Tour in June...bonus!  Once I registered I took my bike to "the Toy Store" for its annual spring tune-up.  I just called and they haven't even started to work on yet!  I told them I'd be there after work to pick it up and it had better be ready.   Nuff said, I think that two weeks is plenty of time to have to work on a bike!

• Mr. Davey Gie was inquiring about my tattoo.

Davey, it is one of my designs.  Since I was born in the Year of the Snake and I am also a Gemini, it consists of two snakes.  The numbers depict the Half Marathon (21.1k) and Full Marathon (42.2k) distances I have raced over the years.  Hope this little explanation helps.   I'm still undecided as to what I will create to commemorate the Half Ironman I did last year (distance of 113k or in the USA, known as 70.3).

Hope everyone has a great weekend.  I'm off to remove the snow tires from the car and put on the brand new seasonal tires (If we get a snowstorm any time soon, it isn't my fault), and to pick up the "better be ready" tuned up bike.  I want to get rolling this weekend!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Wordless Wednesday

Finally Friday

What a crazy week, how can it be Friday already?  Time flies when you're having fun ~ Right?  With any luck I'll be able to take a long walk / run on the beach this weekend.

Where I live

It is a busy time trying to get not only my income tax crap  return information prepared but now I have had to put on my detectives hat to try to track down all my dad's tax information too.  Let's just say that I caved and called a co-worker's accountant who is going to handle it all once I get all the sh*t information together.  What I am learning in my Alzheimer seminars is to accept the help of others.  See, you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Speaking of accepting and allowing others to help you out, another one of my co-workers had given me a Christmas Gift Certificate for a massage at Absolute Massage Therapy which happens to be situated right next door to my office.  I took the opportunity to use my certificate and add on another half hour.  Holy Hannah, I was in heaven!  All the tension and stress I have been carrying around for the last six months was ripped and stripped, gently massaged out oh so tense muscles and left me feeling totally body stoned.  Honestly, I had to sit in my car for about five minutes just to get my bearings.  It was FANTASTIC!!!

Wednesday was a visit with my Chiropractor at her new InTune Chiropractic office.  Again, just being able to totally relax and have my adjustment is helping me overall.  I also learned that I am not breathing properly while in a relaxed state.  I've been breathing with the top of my lungs and not using my diaphragmatic breathing technique that I use when I swim, bike, run.   Who knew!  So, another lesson learned and definitely one I shall continue to practice at all times.

Since my old running shoes were pretty much at the end of their life span after all the Half Iron training and actual event.  I took the opportunity of using one of the discount coupons you receive when you sign up for any of the Running Room Clinics.  So I sprung for a new pair of my ever faithful Saucony's....ProGrid Triumph 9's.  I can hardly wait to get out this weekend and see how they feel.

Saucony ProGrid 9

On another note, I've recently found a running blog of an Expat Canuck.  Canadian Runner in Exile.  Caroline is now living in SoCal with her husband and kidlettes and is currently giving away a fabulous book just in time for the Boston Marathon!!  The book is "Young at Heart", the story of Johnny Kelley who was a 2 time winner and 7 time 2nd place finisher of the Boston Marathon.  So you can understand my excitement to be able to put my name into the mix to be the possible winner of this book.

Young at Heart book give away

Marlene!  My little Blog Daughter, perhaps you'd like to get your Boston Bound Tushie over the Caroline's Blog too!!

Well, there you go, another action packed week!  Hope everyone has a great weekend and for those of you headed to Hamilton for the Around the Bay, have a fabulous race and keep your eye open for the Grim Reaper...because you know he's looking for you!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Meet with a handshake and leave with a hug

Last Saturday was an all day seminar hosted by the Alzheimer Society of Ottawa.  Not knowing what to expect I was admittedly shocked to see the number of people dealing with the same situation as I am.  Families arrived.  Groups of children were there along with a parent to find out how they could best deal with their family situation.  Single people were there, like me, dealing with an elderly parent and single people were there to find out how to best deal with an ailing spouse.  The number of heartbreaking stories was staggering.  It made me realise that even though I'm dealing with an awful lot at the moment, my situation is relatively tame compared to other people's scenario's.  I came away from the seminar exhausted, tearful, uplifted, informed, along with new contacts, and even some possible new friends.  We began the meeting with handshakes and left the meeting with hugs.

This is the most vicious of diseases and it can affect anyone.  What I am learning is, the MORE I learn, the more I receive information, support and include others in my life to help me cope, the better off it will hopefully make the final years of my father's life a whole lot easier.

Our weather lately has been exceptional...I can not ever remember such high temperatures in the month of March.  This is truly a freak of nature, but I'm loving it!!  Sunday's run was fantastic as I joined in with a group of ladies that are preparing for the 30k Around the Bay race this coming weekend.  It is a really fun race that takes you through many neighbourhoods, a portion takes you along the shores of Lake Ontario and then into a beautiful subdivision of stellar homes.  You run past and through several cemeteries and then up a huge honking hill and run back towards Copps Coliseum.  You might even run into this guy!

Jen, the Grim Reaper and me

Monday night was my first clinic night in quite a long time.  It is just a 10k clinic but it was really fun to meet some new runner's who are so excited to "do their first 10k".  Sort of made me realise how I was a little jaded in my running career.  I think their energy will give me the lift I need in other portions of my life.  We assembled for the clinic and it is a really large group because most of them are signed up for their first 10k race at the Ottawa Race Weekend.  I'm so use to doing long distances with pace groups and I'm soooo use to doing a slower pace instead of busting out at full speed, that when we were getting ready to start our first 6k group run, I was a little discombobulated that everyone just takes off like mad fiends!  How freaking exciting is that?  Off they go...what a concept!

A few of the more "nervous to do that distance" people sort of hung with me as I explained to them, if you can't hold a conversation because you're out of breathe it means you are running too fast.  I also explained that the further we get into the 6k run, they will see that some people are totally spent and will have to walk the rest of the way.  Well, you know what?...we ran the whole way and could talk and had a great time!  We even passed people!!  They were so excited to find out that they didn't have to bust a gut at the beginning of the clinic...they could work on their cardio, breathing techniques, gain confidence, pass people and when it comes to race day...then they can leave a lung on the pavement.  Some of the new runner's hugged me when they finished their first ever 6k, overall, I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with this group!!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Finally Friday

Our temperatures are starting to warm up.  While some of my running / tri friends to the south of me (Born to Endure in Indy and another friend in Grand Rapids) have been talking about high temperatures all week, I've been in my down-coat and braving cold winds, rain, hail and thunderstorms.  Well hopefully all that is past now and we can actually get out without layers of long underwear.

Even with the nice temps, I'll be in an all day seminar tomorrow that is put on by the Alzheimer Society.  The focus will be on future planning and what can be expected when loved ones dementia progresses to the next level.  I'll have to remember to take a box of Kleenex with me.  Hopefully the seminar will finish early enough that I'll be able to either stop in to visit with my dad or go for a run.  Maybe I'll be able to do both!

Sunday will be going to run club in the morning for a smart little 10k and then I'm off to the Outdoor & Adventure Show.  I'm considering buying a kayak, after all I live a block from the river and haven't been out on the water in years other than to swim!  Bushtukah will be there and they are the grand suppliers of most of my cycling gear and cross country ski clothing.  I bought Blizzard (Trek 2.1) from them a few years ago and I'm (okay, I'm being truthful), thinking of buying looking at the Speed Concept again.  Ssshhhh, don't tell my bike.

On a side note:

• I'm 14 months alcohol free, this hasn't been a problem considering I didn't have a problem, I just feel so much better and stopped when I was starting my Half Ironman training.
• I'm now heading into my first full month without coffee and it's killing me!  WhAAAaaaaa  I've even had dreams about coffee!!
• Had the best massage in my whole life last night, all the stress from the past six months seemed to leave my body, however, today I feel like I've been hit by a truck!  
• I'm still eating clean (over two years) and have eliminated most breads, sugar and general gorp i.e. junk food from my diet.  I've been tracking what I eat daily with My Fitness Pal.  The scales show a significant weight loss and I'm going to have to buy some new summer clothes...that is pretty exciting so I'd say it has been a great success.

For those of you who are Irish, or even Irish for a day, Happy St. Patrick's Day to you!!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Three Things Thursday

Well, I can't believe it is already Thursday. Time is flying by and I'm still don't have my fitness groove on, however,

• The Rideau Lakes Cycle Tour Century ride is now full. Considering I haven't been on the bike in a little while it just wasn't meant to be this year. It'll be the first time in four years not doing it, BUT I am considering signing up for something a little later in the summer ~ GranFondo Ottawa. Perhaps the MedioFond 100k route. I've got 127 days to train.

• The 10K clinic starts on Monday night, yup, I'm going to commit to just getting out there and being active. Who knows, maybe I'll throw a Sprint or OLY Tri into the works over the summer.  Did I just say that?

• And, I've rejoined the Kanata Nepean Bike Club this year.  I'm hoping that some day trips with the group will help me manage my stress levels.  This only means that Blizzard will once again turn into a packhorse.  Double duty for you this year Blizzard!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

a step back or is it a step forward?

Once again, life has taken a little turn, just as I knew it would.  I'm not going to go into to detail, however, my life has been topsy turvy yet again due to changes in my dad's behaviour due to dementia.  It is progressing and all I can do is spend as much time with him while he can still remember who I am, while he can still talk to friends on the phone, dress himself and feed himself.  All this is changing rapidly and I'm truly learning you can not hold back time.  The hardest call I've ever had to make came last Friday when I made the call to Community Care Assess Centre.  The time has come where I've had to start the process of getting my father into "the system" for future long term care.  Previously I had come to terms with him moving closer, being in a Seniors Home, he would be taken care of, I knew he would be safe...things would be normal.  All this is changing and when I made the call I couldn't believe how much it upset me, it was making me face reality and to come to terms with this relentless disease.  I wasn't liking what I was seeing.  The woman on the phone was exceptional, answering all my questions, dealing with MY denial of having to face this reality.  She was caring and compassionate when I cried, she understood that I too am in the process of trying to understand the true meaning of caring for an ageing parent.  I will NEVER begrudge the promise I made to my dad so long ago, to look after him when he got to this stage in life,  he will be 92 in May and sometimes he is as young at heart as a teenager.  What it all boils down to, he deserves quality of life, love and understanding.

Throughout all of this Dad's friends have been a wonderful support not only to him, but to me as well, as has my cousin who has been a social worker of sorts and is now involved with grief counselling.  Although my cousins health is failing, he has always had time to talk with me over the years.  He has been a great help in so many facets of my life and now he is helping yet again.  I am blessed.

Finding time to train for any specific event has been a challenge.  Needless to say my race calendar is still empty, but I have been trying to find the time for "me".  Spring is just around the corner, you could feel it in the weather over the weekend.     hallelujah

soaking up the sun after a run

The past four Sunday's I've been driving into town to run at the local Running Room.  While I was there yesterday I signed up for the 10k clinic which begins next Monday.  Again, life is throwing me some reality.  Trust me when I say it is a real head trip to go from being Half Iron fit to needing moral support to run 10k.

Is it a step back or a step forward?  As I'm learning....Any journey begins with the first step.

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Wordless Wednesday

Hang on....

We are under a storm watch and severe wind warnings...so I'm going to go cross country skiing!

I'm going to take some birdseed with me this time so I can feed these little fellows!  They'll be hanging on for dear life in the 90km an hour winds we are experiencing!

If I don't blow away, I'll be back....

Life's fun if you don't weaken,
Lily

snowy weekend! part one

view from my front window

We finally got winter! Well, for a day or so at least. It was a very slow, WINDY, snowy drive home on Friday after work and I wasn't sure whether or not I'd have any power (hydro) at the house. I live in a rural area and often if there are high winds, it knocks out our electricity, but luckily it stayed on so no problems there! Some of my friends had made plans to meet up for a cross country ski for Saturday morning(weather permitting) and of course it was a GO! It was my turn to drive to meet them, so off I went through some near white-out conditions but made it to the meeting spot safely.  The trails had been freshly groomed and were pristine.  It was the best cross-county ski I've ever experienced.  It was Fantastic!!!

which way to go?

After going for brunch I drove over to visit with my dad.  He has been having some very good days lately, so I want to be able to share those for as long as I can, because I know soon enough he will continue along his journey further into memory loss.  We had a really fun visit, phoned a few of his friends and he chatted merrily away with them.  It was all I could do to keep from crying, but I didn't.  Finally it was time for me to pack up and head home (remember I was still in my skiwear which was layers of long underwear, and if you've ever been to a seniors residence you know the temperature is kept at "boiling hot").  When we got downstairs to the Atrium a group of residents were enjoying musical tunes from the piano.  An entertainer was there playing the "Oldies".   I was asked to dance by Lou one of the really fun ladies, so of course I said yes!!  Not soon after we shared a dance, she dropped me like a hot potato and she asked Dad to dance...I can't remember the last time I saw him dance...it certainly was a "moment".  (sorry the photo's are a bit blurry, but so were my eyes).

Cutting the rug

Young at heart

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Okay, I'm a lemming...Three Things Thursday

Following the pack is not always a good thing, your view is full of Arseholes, but other than that, I will attempt a three things Thursday concept.

• Ontario is freaking out because there is a powerful snow storm set to hit our province.  People, it is winter, we live in Canada, get over it!  Of course the majority of the freak out is coming from Toronto, yes, the city who had to call in the military one year when they got an actual snowfall.  Marlene, bust out the yack tracks its coming to getcha!!!
  
• On the fitness front, other than starting to get back to running, spinning on the bike trainer and doing some stretches that I try to pass off as yoga, not too much is going on.  Short distances, nothing epic, but at least it is a start.

• Went out with the girl's last night to catch up on some long overdue chitchat.  Fully anticipating normal Ottawa Winter Weather we choose the Canal Ritz Restaurant, which overlooks the World's Longest Skateway.   Unfortunately we have been experiencing really mild unseasonal weather lately and the canal  has been closed for skating.  If you ever come to Ottawa, I would highly recommend this restaurant!  The food is exceptional and the ambiance ~ wonderful!!  Winter or summer, it is a fabulous place to spend some quality time!!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Wordless Wednesday

Bright days and a long weekend

Ontario hosted its bogus Family Day long weekend.  Luckily for me I took it off and spent the weekend doing really fun things!  It was a bright, cold weekend, but not the killer cold, sort of "cold spring temperatures".  Saturday morning I searched for and dusted off my Saucony's and ran a really nice 4k.  You know the kind of run where there is no pressure, no "pace time" to keep.  Just a nice run in the sunshine and enjoying the outdoors.  Saturday afternoon we headed up to the Provincial Park for some xc skiing.  The trails were a mixture of granular snow and ice.  The classic trails had not been groomed for some time so it was a little dodgy in spots, other areas were quite nice.

a not so bad portion of the trail

Sunday morning I headed into town to our local Running Room (as I'd been told that I had to start socialising again) and ran with some really nice ladies who are training for the May Ottawa Race Weekend Half Marathon (which is sold out).  I have to admit it was just so nice to just run for fun since I wasn't the one training for anything.   The rest of the day was spent visiting with Dad and having some great laughs with him, I'm learning to live in the moment and I've also learned you will NEVER win a discussion, argument nor anything else with a dementia patient, so you just smile, laugh, share, nod in agreement and realise that is the way their mind is working, so you tuck away your ego as there is no point trying to correct, chastise, nor disagree.

Holiday Monday ended up being another beautiful day, how lucky are we?  So after 40 minutes on the bike trainer, I could not stand being inside one more minute.  Off I went for another xc ski, only this time it was super icy and no groomed trails at all!

super duper slippery, not a track in sight

there is a chickadee on my camera

 Now that I'm learning to relax again and just do what I can do, life is settling into a routine that is manageable.  What remains to be seen is what I can sign up for!!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Lighten up

When I opened up my blog this morning I realised just how dark and brooding it has become, so let's lighten this up!

Now that I'm feeling better, (although still feeling as though I'm breathing through gauze),  it is time to get back out onto the road, running that is!  Yesterday I had to find my Saucony's, find my winter running gear, dig out my Garmin and suit up.  It was a beautiful morning with bright sunshine, no wind and an almost bearable temperature.  In other words, it was the perfect morning to start back "on the road" with a little 4k.

my favourite road

running alone?  or being carried?

our community church

Morning sunrise

The afternoon was a great cross country ski!  The Weekend Warrior is back!!

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

what I'm learning

"You don't have to see the whole staircase at once, just the first step"

When you learn to live in the moment and embrace it with good humour, a calm attitude and enjoy the simplicity of it all, life begins to become a bit easier.

It is only the middle of February and the notices for up-coming events are already filling up my email in-box.  Being the proactive personalty that I am, I was almost making myself sick from anxiety of knowing just how out of shape I am and how will I ever get ready.

Reality check!

• this year will be different from any previous year, I have major real life commitments and don't know what my time frame will be to deal with them.
• I don't HAVE to participate in every event that crosses my path.  I can pick and choose and just do my best with the time frame I do have for getting back into some semblance of fitness.
• enjoy, embrace, participate, but most of all appreciate the fact I can do what I can do.  (many women my age just don't bother, however, the many, many female friends I do have are involved with embracing life in a positive healthy fashion).
• take the time to remember your friends who are ailing as the person(s) they were, not what they have become.  This is especially true with my Dad, I am learning with the help of the Alzheimer Society and Veteran Affairs Canada to remember that he has had a great life, he served his country as a decorated tank commander in World War II, he served his city as decorated civil servant (aka Staff Sargent of Detectives), he had many hobbies, wonderful friends who still remain in touch with him even though he is now many kilometres away, he was well respected within that far away community and now I get to enjoy every single moment I have to share with him as  his memory declines.

Sometimes you need to be a super star fitness freak, run a marathon, endure a Half Ironman, but sometimes you need to just sit, laugh, listen intently and learn how to have patience, compassion and most of all love for those who are making their way to ending their journey.

Life's fun if you don't weaken,

Lily

Wordless Wednesday